there’s a dog digging a hole; it’s my dog. i loved you a lot zoey. i don’t think i made that clear enough. you never dug holes. you ran around the street. alex ran to the other end of the street, or i did, he was by the house. he took your leash off and you ran all the way down the street.. right to me. you ran so quick and right to me. i taught you tricks! you taught me how to , pet you. love you. not doubt you. i once smoked too much weed on the back porch. i came back inside and iw as scared of you. i havent smoked weed since you died. i told a girl on hinge i like big dogs, a dog that i can cuddle with, i said “lay down with.” holidays aren’t the same without you. i can’t just go to the floor anymore.i can’t just go to the floor anymore. to lay. to lay. to lay with you. to lay with you, anymore. i can’t go to the floor. i can’t .. watch you yawn. watch your second eyelids close. watch you wake up and drink water, put your food by the bowl. remember when you had to puke?! i was 16. i was so scared. i didn’t want to clean it up. but you held it. for me. i ran to the door, scrambled to opent the door, you waited, we were both so nervous! we did... you ran out that door puked on the porch, i left it for mom and dad. i taught you how to spin! mom never wanted a dog but then she loved you. mom never... she held you, when you were small she... you chased me around the table.. you nipped at my legs.. i was scared! i was 12. i didn’t know what i did. i was 10. i didn’t know what i did. but we both grew. i made a whole movie about you. i played music and watched you on the couch. you were the only person in the fa.. on the holidays, the adults were at the table, i was an adult then too, i was 21, but i wanted to be with you... when i came home you werent as excited to see me as i was to see you, ran past me, in the dark, to pee, and then you put your nose against my leg. you pushed your butt against yuval to say hello. you stuck your nose under my arm when i played piano... played piano... i don’t know what you heard... but you.. wanted me to pet you.. i smiled.. evan smiled.. you’re the only person i... even... some people were afraid of dogs, we’d lock you up in the living room, put down that fence. i never wanted you to have a fence! i wanted you to be free. anyone who was scared of you would have loved you, i know it, i would have explained them that you are nothing but my friend.. i know it.. i would have explained to them that you’re nothing but my friend.. my dog.. i love you! i miss you! i miss you! i’m crying now! i never knew how it would feel, missed those days, i made jokes about you in high school with my friends.. “my dumb dog”.. i still feel bad! it’s ridiculous! i still feel bad that i called you dumb. you were not dumb. you were the smartest dog. when you died, when i found out you were dying, i was at ferns, getting drinks with clarice, i went outside, i knew what was going to happen on the call, you wwere at the hospital.. and mom kept saying: “s ... “she was a good girl...” it was the softest i ever heard mom spoke. ... put your paw out for me one more time. spin. run under my legs. circle. it was our favorite thing to do. eat a treat out of my hand. i love you zoe.